Maybe it is the looming New Year. Or maybe it is the recent job promotion I got. But lately I have been contemplating where I am in life, or rather more importantly, where I am not.
Like I said, I got a job promotion recently to be the unit lead in my department. We work in a tech-supportish call center where we help medical professionals get claims sent in electronically. The main reason that I went for the job was largely because I wanted off the phones. I hate being on the phones. And I got the job largely, I think, because I’m good at figuring out the problems and I’m personable with the department and the people who are in charge of us.
I got the job initially three and a half years ago, and really I thought it was going to be a stop gap until I got a real job in a field that I wanted to get a job in. Be that game development or writing somewhere, I didn’t really care. In fact, this job did get me some opportunities into the writing field which I didn’t get. [1. I am actually quite happy that I didn’t get these jobs. They are going away soon and I don’t think I would have been in the position long enough to warrant me going out and getting another job in a similar field. Honestly, I think being team lead will open more doors than that job would have.]
Now more than three years later, and after a job promotion that can in fact open doors into other departments.[2. Everyone else who has had this position has moved on to much better positions in the company.] It really isn’t looking like a stop gap anymore. I think part of the reason that it has turned into more than just a stop gap is the economy. There just aren’t as many jobs out there as when I originally went shopping for a job. Those few that are out there are being hunted by many other people and many of them are temp to hire. I’ve never felt comfortable enough with where we were to risk going to a temp to hire job and then not being hired. So far, that just hasn’t been in the cards.
I feel in the next year, I really need to get to work on one of my ultimate life long goals. I feel like I am running out of time to make any serious stake in my life to be above what I have been so far. After all, wasn’t the purpose of me going to college to get a better job type? Well honestly, I am currently in a better job than where I started school, but this still isn’t the league of job I was looking for. I was wanting to be more comfortable living than I am. Sure I want to be rich, but that wasn’t really the goal, the goal was to be comfortable.
Over the past few years, I’ve had many ideas. Ideas for books to write. Ideas for my game and game design. And ideas for a classic arcade. I think all of these were great and worthy ideas. Somehow, I need to get seriously started on at least one of them, if not all. I need to find a way to get it done. I feel that my first book will sell well, I think my MMO would sell well, I’m not 100% on the arcade but I do think it would do ok and more importantly would be fun.
There have been many roadblocks along the way. A lack of funds not the least of which. I think in the next year my money situation will be getting better. My roommate is no longer dealing with school herself and has found a steady job to help get us through the months. My job promotion will likely come with a pay increase at some point and that is likely going to help as well. Unfortunately a lot of this money early on will be used to get myself out of debt and to build new debt (I need a new car pretty badly). But I still think this will be less of an issue next year as it has been this year.
Another problem I’ve had has been time. A problem I think will also get better, although the current Christmas season is making it hard to judge. I am moving from 4 -10 hour days to 5 – 8 hour days and this I think will afford me less tiredness and more time throughout the week, even if I do sacrifice the one day off. I am also making it a priority to teach myself how to organize my time and life better. I feel like part of my problem with time is just that I am a disorganized person and I just don’t do things in a correct fashion, and then when I do it takes longer than maybe it needs to.
I also clearly suffer from ADD which I hope organizing will help fix. But the reality is that when I sit down and write a book, I need to kick my gear into place and just focus on the one thing, no matter how difficult that may be. I am actually being inspired on this front from someone else in the department who has it in his brain to be a writer. The difference between him and I is that he is actually doing it. And doing it hardcore. He actually makes sure he doesn’t do anything else at night during the week, he sits down and does it. I can make a whole lot of excuses as to why it is easier for him. He doesn’t have a roommate, a kid, responsibilities. But the reality is that he probably has just as much stuff as he could do, but he does his writing instead and I need to do the same.
Because ultimately, something just needs to change in my life. And the sooner the better.