Today is my birthday. I am now 35 years old. I feel like I’m 25 mentally, suppose that is good, but I feel like I”m 50 physically. It is weird thinking of my life.
20 years ago, I was 15. Just winding up my wife, just starting. I didn’t really know what I was going to do with my life, in many ways I still don’t. I had just discovered the wonders of MMOs and thus began a downward spiral away from school and probably a long term career of some sorts. Though I doubt even had i gone to school and then gone to college right away if my life would have been any better than it is now… Still a regret.
10 years ago, at 25 I had decided to do without regrets. To live life thinking about making my choices in a way that whatever I do I won’t have any regrets. I feel like that was a naive thought now. Is there anyway to not regret parts of your life? Oftentimes, when you think about 2 choices that sit before you, in retrospect either choice would have led to regret. I suppose there is something to be said for less regret than you might otherwise have. To be fair, I do think that I have less regret from the last 10 years of my life, than I did for the 10 before. 15-25 was filled with regretful decisions, and 25-35 was spent fixing many aspects of my life and getting it back on track. 10 years ago, I was just getting back into college. in a few years I’d transfer to UW-Madison, fulfilling a life long goal.
20 years from now I will be 55. Holy shit. I can’t even imagine how terrible my body will be at that point. I hope to god that I find purpose and meaning in my life by then. That I get my life back on track completely and feel that I have done something with it. Even if it is something that only I care about.
IN 10 years, I”ll be 45. Hopefully I’ll have that book done that I wanted to do 10 years ago. I think 10 years is a good number to think about life in. What do I see for myself in 10 years and how do I make it happen? I want to be able to afford things. To not always be scratching my way through. I am hoping to have much of my debt in order 1 year from now and hopefully by 10 years, I will have 90% of debt canceled out. My book does factor into this. By then, I hope to have more than one book done and hopefully my career path can step away from my current job into my own world. I don’t do well with bosses, never have. And even though you aren’t completely away from bosses in a writing career, I do believe that you are more free than the job I have now. I need freedom. Hopefully, in 10 years. My finances will be in order where I can travel more, at least once a year. Where I can upgrade my current condo into a condo that allows me to stretch and smile and say I did it!
It’s weird to think that I very likely may be at the half-point of my life. Double my years and I’ll be 70, though I hope that 60-70 will be much more self realizing than 1-10. IT’s hard to tell really. I could be senile. When I was 25, I thought that was going to be my mid-point of life. I figured I wouldn’t live too much past 50. I felt that the life expectancy of a Hemophiliac wasn’t likely going to be as long as the average person. I may have been right, however now I feel like 60 is an achievable goal. 70 seems a bit of a stretch but who knows.
Interestingly at 20, I wouldn’t have given up Hemophilia for the world, I thought it gave me character. Now, at 35, I’d give the world to be rid of it. What a difference 15 years makes. Here’s to another 15.